Woodward Audio

I feel the need to write and spill my guts for a while tonight, so please forgive me.

For anyone not in the know, I moved to Dubai in September to start a new job working as an AV tech for a rather large company out here. I was excited and nervous about it, but it seemed like a great prospect, one that I would regret turning down.

Three months in and in all honesty I’m still not sure if I’ve made the right decision.

First a little back story. I’ve always felt for the longest time that something was missing from my life, like a huge void in what I guess most people would call the ‘soul’. I have always had delusions of future grandeur; that I was not good enough yet but one day i would be great. It looks really narcissistic to see that written on paper but honesty is something I really want to work on.

I guess this theme repeats itself in my life, or at least my screwed up view of the world. I always expect things to be bigger or more important than they are and am inevitably disappointed when they fall flat. To me, being sat on the beach with a girl I’ve just met watching the sun come up and talking all night long should be the catalyst for some insane story. I always expect the ‘movie moment’ and end up with reality smacking me in the face. If you know the film 500 days of summer and the scene where the guy goes to Summer’s party expecting a reconciliation but gets shot down, where it’s shown in splitscreen ‘reality vs fantasy’…. well that’s pretty much it. I always wonder if it’s just me that see’s it this way, if the people around me are simply seeing reality.

Well, cue one reality-smack in the face.

I have worked the past 24 days straight now. Not just regular shifts either, but all over the place. I’ve done 4.30am starts for Turkish glass sales conferences, 14 hour get-outs in the baking Dubai heat tearing down Groove Armada’s stage, long prepping sessions and much much more. There’s no chance of a day off for at least another week either. It’s gotten to the point where I pretty much eat, work and sleep. I’m told that it gets better at some point but it’s starting to really end me. Sure the money is great, much better than I’d get at home. But then the living costs are expensive here and when I do have an evening free I’m at a loss for what to do.

See I left behind all my friends and family in England. All those fantastic people that were my heart and soul and I’m only just realising that. It’s not the same without Windows to drink and talk life with. Cara to cheer me up and eat pork pies int he back of my car. Matt, Amy and Rex to always be there for me whenever I’ve ever needed anything. That’s without starting on my family who have been ultra supportive. I don’t really know what to do. It’s Uni all over again.

This leads me to my next point. Women. I used to never worry about them. If it happens, it happens. You know what? That’s because it used to happen. Now, I havn’t really been with anyone I’ve actually had proper feeling for for years. I always figured that I was fine single, which for the most part I am. But there are really times when I would love to come home to someone. Or have someone to call up. I find myself pretty damn jealous when I see happy couples around me, which most of my friends are. Especially when I see the cute girl from work with my other colleague. Maybe one day I’ll work out what I’m doing wrong. Either way I’m not going to change. I wear my heart on my sleeve and that’s the way it’s staying. I’m not a dick now and I don’t plan to be any time soon.

End incoherent babble.